Sometimes you have to accept your limits, this is what I unfortunately had to do at the first round of the SDA at Innerleithen.
Me and Sam arrived at the trails Friday afternoon to get his Xtreme MTB pit set up as he was sponsoring this race, but we decided track walk first, I was so excited! IT was sunny and the trail was looking perfect, damp but not wet and muddy. Sam was surprised at what had been taped for the bottom section but was impressed, although it was very steep, loose and rooty he was confident I was capable of it if I just let off the brakes. I knew it was more technical than what I've ridden before but I was feeling confident and knew how to tackle the trail. We stayed with some of Sams friends in Innerleithen, got a major feed on and got some sleep.
Overnight there had been torrential rain, but I wasn't worried. I've ridden in mud plenty of times before. I got signed on, caught up with some of the other girls and got ready to go. I started the long pedal along to the uplift and headed up to the top. I sat in the start hut and watched the others head off down the rocky muddy start, I could immediately see this was no longer the same track I had walked less than 24 hours before. I kept a positive head on and started pedalling. I just made it down to the first fire road, feeling embarrassed at my speed and not really knowing where I was going. I carried on to the next section, stopping in at the side to let some riders past and had a chat with Hope Jensen who checked I was alright. After a few riders passed I got going again, I was surprised how grippy some of the roots were although the mud had me going all directions. Practising with nearly 300 riders makes things more difficult for a slow rider, you can't go 30 seconds without someone shouting rider, and on this track I was struggling to get over to the side to let them pass.
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| Photo by Ian Porter |
After several attempts to get down a steep rooty section without being chased by someone I started to feel totally defeated. I realised this was the section that looked easy to me in my track walk and if I was struggling here, how was I going to cope with the sections I thought looked difficult? I got to the second fire road and after battling with myself I decided to roll down another trail to get to the bottom to calm down.
I got back to the pit and couldn't say a word. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and heartbroken. Sam asked me what I was going to do and I didn't want to answer. I knew that I was out of my depth but I didn't want to admit it to myself. Eventually I told Sam I couldn't do it. He was understanding and told me I should give it another go, eventually I forced myself to go up one more time but it was just as bad as the first run, the roots were now polished and even worse than before. This is the sort of track I would normally enjoy but I felt so under pressure to get out of the way of the faster riders that I just really was not enjoying myself.
I admitted defeat. I told Sam I was done and that I was struggling too much. He assured me we would do the same track on our uplift the following weekend so I can see I am capable of it and that I just need to be more selfish on practice runs.
Although I did feel upset, I know now that I made the right decision. Sometimes you have to be realistic and accept what you are capable of, even if that means admitting to yourself that you are not good enough, it might mean the difference between being a little upset or badly injuring yourself.
Everyone will have a moment where they are so far out of their comfort zone that they have to say "Enough." Even Sam who has raced world cups among the best riders in the world has backed out of a race he felt was too difficult for him at the time. I walked the track, I tried riding the trail, I made the decision I felt was best for me.
Although this race didn't happen for me I would like to say a huge congrats to my friend Carrie Woods who took on this race as her first ever! She done amazing and even with a huge OTB got straight back on and finished with a big smile on her face, she's what racing should be about, just having fun on your bike.
I would like to add a special thanks to my sponsors: Flare Clothing Co, Uberbike Components, BeneFit and Xtreme MTB for giving me their support, even though I am not the fastest racer, or in this case not a racer at all, they are helping me achieve my goal. So happy to have my new Flare jerseys arrive in time for this race and couldn't believe how comfy they were, just a shame the weather didn't allow me to show the jerseys off.
